In an age where the world seems beset by discord and turmoil, our inner landscapes often mirror this chaos. The word "Hamas," which means "chaos," encapsulates the turmoil many of us feel in our lives today. With heightened anxiety from an escalating war on seven fronts (!) global events, personal strife, or even the daily grind, it's easy to feel overwhelmed.
Whether externally or internally driven, chaos can be debilitating, yet it can also be a crucible for growth and resilience. Even amidst the chaos, a path exists to calmness and clarity. I turned to a fellow coach specializing in parental estrangement—a realm fraught with emotional complexity—for how he helps clients self-regulate during tumultuous times. He offered profound yet simple advice: “Take a step back. Breathe. Get your feet back under you. And put on your own oxygen mask first.”
1. Take a Step Back
Before you can support others, you must ensure your own stability. When you step back, you gain perspective, allowing for an objective assessment of your emotions and thoughts. Importantly, this overview enables you to recognize triggers that may be at play.
The neurological concept of "what's wired together fires together" underscores how past traumas can resurface during current challenges. Understanding this connection can, therefore, reduce their hold on you. Cultivating awareness of how present difficulties may echo historical ones is crucial, leading you to respond with heightened intensity. For example, every time a Jew is attacked, I feel outrage and fear. And yet, my husband, who spent his formative years in the Displaced Persons Camps in Germany after the Holocaust, feels it on a gut level I can’t approach, where it affects his functionality on a day-to-day basis.
Acknowledge that even minor challenges can feel insurmountable in chaotic times, and work to challenge negative or irrational thoughts. Question their validity and explore alternate perspectives. As you sift through this, limiting your exposure to distressing news cycles may also be beneficial—take intentional breaks to detach, restore mental clarity, and reduce cognitive fatigue.
2. Breathe
Your breath is a powerful tool that can help anchor you to the present moment, reduce stress, and cultivate a sense of calmness. Regular practice of deep diaphragmatic breathing (place your hands on your lower belly and push out against your hands) not only supports relaxation but also acts as a reset, allowing you to disengage from spiraling thoughts.
Focus on the sensation of your belly rising and falling with each breath, and as you exhale, visualize the release of tension and anxiety. Try silently saying these words as you breathe: "If I take good care of the present, the future will take care of itself.” Acknowledging the limits of your control over “people, places, and things” can foster a sense of peace, reinforcing that your primary responsibility is to invest in the moment at hand.
3. Get Your Feet Back Under You – Find Your Balance
When chaos hits, your instinct may be to retreat into isolation, a response that can amplify feelings of loneliness and despair. One of my coping mechanisms is to clean – I can’t control the world, but if I can create a spotless kitchen counter…. But these strategies keep you small. Try going bigger. Seeking connection with community can uplift your spirit and affirm solidarity in challenging times. Identify a robust support system—people who inspire, uplift, and provide constructive perspectives—and avoid those who magnify negativity.
Although numbness may tempt you as a defense mechanism, strive to maintain daily structure and organization. Grounding yourself in routine provides stability in the face of uncertainty. Balance the moments of negativity with thoughts of hope and allow faith—whether in religion or in humanity—to guide you through the turbulence. Engaging in conversations about faith reminds you that you are part of something larger than your individual struggles.
4. Put on Your Own Oxygen Mask First
Prioritizing self-care is not an act of selfishness; it's an essential aspect of self-regulation. Caring for your own needs enables you to support others more effectively. Be gentle with yourself, treating your emotional well-being as a priority. Consider keeping a nightly journal, prompting reflection through questions like:
- Today, I took care of myself in the following ways…
- An act of kindness I did for someone else was…
- The best moment of the day was…
- I am grateful for…
- Something I need to let go of and trust will work out is…
- I want to feel…
- I will let myself be guided by…
- I made the world a tiny bit better by...
These reflections encourage positivity and anchor your thoughts in gratitude rather than despair. Remember, darkness and adversity are inevitable parts of life, but seeking out and celebrating small moments of joy becomes a vital counterbalance to the surrounding despair. Affirmations of love, hope, and joy—even in trying times—can serve as a gentle reminder that light persists, even in darkness.
Each of us possesses the potential to find peace within ourselves, and by nurturing that inner tranquility, we can better navigate the turbulent waters of life. May we cultivate our inner peace and ignite hope in the face of overwhelming chaos, wielding it as our guiding light throughout life’s most tumultuous battles.
Article originally published in Times of Israel
Are you ready to transform your inner chaos into clarity and calm? Contact me at hanna@shalombayitproject.com if you want to learn more about an 8-week online course starting January 2025 on cultivating emotional intelligence to achieve a more balanced and fulfilling life!
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